While driving to my spa day I somehow started thinking about turning 33 and how at this point in my life I feel pretty confident in knowing who I am and how I lead my life. When I was in high school I had all the hopes and dreams of a young person--not much of the worry--and so even then was not so bad. Once I got to college something changed. Somewhere between 18-23 I got a little lost. I think that a lot of people do and I wish that I could speak to everyone this age and tell them that it will be ok. Don't worry so much. Don't drink so much. Don't think too much. Do what makes you happy and follow your heart--everything else will fall in place.

Nothing during those 5 years really made a lot of sense to me. I was looking for meaning, looking for love, and felt all the pressure of trying to figure out who I was and what the heck I was going to do with myself. I didn't get it right--as far as figuring out what to do with myself. Well, not in the love department either. But that's a whole other post. I had more majors than I can count--nothing seemed to fit. The only thing I knew for sure, was that I wanted to work with kids. In what capacity, I had no idea. I knew that money didn't mean a whole lot to me, but I wasn't sure since I couldn't say that my parents were poor. Maybe it didn't mean much because we always seemed to have enough (not a lot, but enough) and once I didn't have it would I be sorry? I took a chance on believing that money wasn't going to make me happy. I did figure out that I had to do something that I loved or I would never get out of bed every day.

I (eventually) graduated college feeling as lost as ever. I had a degree in Sociology, which essentially meant I was qualified for nothing unless I went to grad school. A year earlier I had met with a social worker at Children's Hospital (my dream job) who said, "don't do it". And he meant it. I believed him and didn't.

Slowly, I did figure it out. I listened to that little voice--you know the one that you spend so much time trying to hush? Turns out that voice was me and was leading me to happiness. I followed my heart--even though it was hard and scary, but I pressed on and have never regretted it once. You see, I think that's the thing. If you listen to your heart you'll never go wrong. It's really you saying those things--some say it's God--I say (and you may think this is weird, but read Eat, Pray, Love if you don't understand) same thing. And no, I haven't finished that book yet, but I will. I almost never leave a book unfinished. Is everything always going to be perfect if you follow that voice? No, it's not, but it will be what you willed to happen, so it won't be wrong.

So, what would I say to my younger self?

Dear Me,

Hi, I love you. It seems kinda silly to say it, but I do. I just wanted to put that out there first. You need a little guidance and want to know what is in store for you. I don't want to ruin the surprises so I'll just give you the gist of life. Well, it won't be easy, but it will be ok. You will have fulfillment, love, success, heartbreak, and happiness. You will have the life you always wanted. Just listen a little more closely to me--that little voice deep down. Have faith in yourself. And know that the best days are yet to come.

PS Don't be so surprised when people describe you as "strong." You are; maybe you don't feel that strong, but you are and you will need that strength to get through some rough times. But, you will get through it and you will be the better for it. Eventually, you'll be able to let your guard down and let others be strong for you. Having--and knowing that you have--amazing friends and family to hold you up when you need it most is amazing.

PSS Nose rings don't work for people with allergies.
Love,
Me