Have you seen this flyer?  My friend Carrie recently saw it in England, where a man replace Lionel with his own face.  Hilarious.

Long time, no see!  So, what have you been up to in the last...year!?  I've been thinking about updating this blog for almost a month now, but put it off.  I'm just not sure that I can keep up with it when school starts up again.  Sure, during vacation and fun summer time I have lots to say and publish.  I am somewhat sane and can put two words together at night to form a thought.  I have a running dialog in my brain about what I could write and share.

Now that my time is not consumed with eating away my stress, I have time for reading a book (The Story of Edgar Sawtelle--not as consuming as Twilight, but I'm enjoying it so far), watching my favorite show So You Think You Can Dance, and today we garage saled. Kyle and I are lovers of a good deal, so of course we love garage sales. Before the kids, we'd casually stroll about with Tim Horton's (coffee) in hand and look for some household/tools/furniture bargains. We did a bit when the kids were young, but not as much. Once we moved to this more rural area, we weren't able to go out as much since we are fairly far removed from most communities who have the good sales.

This year (today) we finally hit the yearly 10 mile garage sale in our area. Ten miles and about 5 communities all selling their crap. And we loved every minute of it. We tried to plan a course, but that got cumbersome and just started hitting the ones we though looked good as we passed by or the ones we could get out and walk around to several. We took the kids with us, knowing that they would score some free crap (and did they ever), but also knowing that they would probably get cranky and need to go home at some point.

We headed out at 9am and I could feel the thrill of the hunt immediately. I lost track of how many we went to, but we just kept going, feeding the kids snacks, lunch, drinks all along the way. We took our jogging stroller knowing that if we were walking quite a bit or if they started to just get plain tired they could crash in there for a bit. Best. stroller. ever. And we got several compliments on it. We had two potty breaks, filled the SUV up to the point that we were shoving things in between Cameron and Kaela and tied stuff to the roof, didn't get home until 4pm, and spent $92 including a couple hot dogs, water and cupcakes. We couldn't believe how amazing the kids were behaving--they loved it! The kept saying "are we going saling more?" "Are we going to another sale garage?" I'm sure that getting toys and clothes for them helped, but I think they also enjoyed talking to everyone. We also were in awe of our finds...we just wanted to have a fun, carefree day and took out $100 cash. This is some of what we came home with (not sure I can remember it all, but I'll try):

• At least 20 pieces of clothing for Kaela including boots, slippers, pj's, snowsuit, and playclothes (no boys clothes in Cammie's size!! Just one pair of snowpants)
  
• some little toys, crafts, baseball glove, sport backpack, stuffed Barney (ick), FREE bubble blower that we already have but the kids always fight over, FREE helicopter toy that Cam is in love with, strawberry shortcake colorforms and figurine (free)
  
• 3 wood chairs (two are in my kitchen now) for $3 each
• scarf for me
  
• 2 nail guns--finisher and stapler for $20, new weeder tool because my disappeared
• FREE wood lounger that was sitting on the road waiting for garbage pick up
• bike for Kaela for next year--all girly and she took $10 less than she was asking ($30)
• a trellis for $2 but we didnt' have room and have to go back for it. hope it's still there tomorrow!
• horse swing for swing set--$5 (they are about $50)!! and bouncy hopper ball

The kids were troopers the whole way and Kyle started to peeter out after a while. It seems my recent and unfortunate run-in with poison ivy, and the prescription of prednisone to control it, has kept me fairly wired and energetic. I can't remember having this much energy, which helped to keep me going but has also helped me to motivate to get the house spotless and laundry done. I know, most people do these things normally, but I wanted to do them and could probably clean until I fall over--if only I wouldn't keep the kids up in the process.

Tomorrow we are going to try to work on the raised vegetable garden again. It was put on hold when we weren't sure what money would be coming in, but now we feel that we can move forward. Nothing substantial, but it's new to us so it's exciting!

The job situation is stable and looking...well, stable for now. I got a call saying that no one was losing their job--after days of worrying, stressing, attending extra meetings and driving all over the place--not that I'm complaining. There are some things that still need to be worked out in order for me to really be safe, and I'm not sure I'll ever feel that way again in my current position. That's the downfall of working part-time in my area--there are no guarantees. I guess that could be said for most people's job and I know so many people out there are dealing with the possibility or reality of being unemployed.

It's a scary thought--to not be able to pay bills, have health insurance, let alone any "extras" or fun stuff. I think that we would have made it somehow, but I know that our financial plan that we have been working on for a few years now would be set back. And that is disheartening. We have been paying down debt and have not used any credit cards for a couple years now. While I would not have resorted to using a credit card again (if possible) I'm sure that we would have been behind in some payments. Because we are paying down debt, we only have a limited "emergency" fund and no cushion in case of job loss. At this time, I was wondering if we had been doing the right thing. I guess...but it definitely made me think twice about our plan. For now, we'll just keep doing as we have been.

One thing that has changed is that this has been a reality check and has made me start to consider other opportunities. There aren't that many right now, but going back to work full time is definitely on the horizon. I had expected that at some point. It's not that I don't want to work full time, but it's probably going to mean some big changes both professionally and personally. Hopefully, I can stay where I am for another year at least, but I'm still keeping my eyes open. If a great opportunity presents itself sooner, I am more inclined to go after it than I was previously.

All the while my responsibilities kept on coming and I had/have some projects to work on. It was very difficult for me to concentrate while worrying about keeping a job, but now I feel like I have a bit of a renewed spirit and am looking forward to next school year. Cautiously.

Things have taken a turn in my world and thus I have become silent. I did finish the Twilight series in record time (for me) and loved it. L.O.V.E.D. it. I don't care if it is teen-angst-first-vampire-love-stuff. I dig it. And yes, the gardening is taking over my life again, but things with my job have been clouding my mind. I really don't want to air it all out here, but the gist of it is that I hope to continue to have a job. For about a week there was so much drama going on in my office that I was sick about it. I don't usually work in the office, so once I left I felt so much better and got back into the swing of things. I have occasional reminders that I'm not as safe as I used to be, but I keep telling myself that worrying about it isn't going to change the outcome. All I can do is keep doing what I'm doing and wait to see how it all unfolds--hard thing for a "planner" to do. The good thing is, that it has nothing to do with my performance. Just a shift in management, combination of departments, and possible weird certification/tenure/seniority stuff (of which the tenure and seniority I gave up when going part-time).

I don't know if it is all the drama and the stress, or I'm just tired, or what, but I haven't been experimenting with recipes, writing or reading blogs...I've just kinda been blah. Not that I'm moping around the house, but I certainly don't feel like myself lately. Hmmm...or maybe it's that pesky little pill. TMI? Probably. Oh well. Deal with it.

On top of everything--or maybe because of everything--MY KIDS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY. Like seriously, crazy. I'm definitely ready for some consistently nice weather (yeah right) and get them outside and on some trails. Usually they can't fight over toys or poke each other, or steal each others whatevers when we are hiking. I see a lot of that in our future. That and the beach..ooh, can't wait for the beach days.

And then next week Kaela turns 3...how in the world is that happening? It blows my mind. And when I start to think forward, it all seems like it's about to go in fast forward. I think I stole some extra time with Cameron having the late birthday and having to wait another year to start school (2nd year of PreK next year). After that, Kaela starts and then it just keeps going. I feel like I should have that extra year with her, too! With all of their driving me craziness, I'm not as sad about them going off to school, but also with all the job uncertainty going on I'm facing the reality of full-time work. I haven't worked full time in 4 years...it will be quite a change for our household when that happens. Will I have the time to blog (forget thinking about the blahs), will I have time to cook? yikes...anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Kaela...so my little girl is turning 3...

Hope I haven't lost you all--or at least not permanently. I'm sure I'll be back to my old self at some point. Until then, just enjoy the music. I know I hop on my own blog just to hear "Beautiful Life" and it makes me feel like everything is great :)

The sickness, that is. I hear about it at work, on Facebook, from other moms--this is the year of sickness. We certainly have not escaped it and I seem to have gotten the brunt of most of it. I blame this on the fact that no matter how sick my kids are, we still seem to be in each other's faces. I just can't bring myself to not cuddle them up and smother them with attention when they are sick--isn't that the time they need it most? I also blame this on being in schools and touching computers all the time. I try to be very aware that computers are some of the dirtiest non-living things, but apparently not good enough. I am trying to eat a balanced diet, but those things slip once in a while and I am certainly not good at taking a vitamin everyday. I usually remember about the time that my post nasal drip has taken over my face. And lastly, what I know to be one of the major causes and it's a disgusting confession...I still bite my nails. I am able to stop, but it takes a whole lot of effort on my part. It takes serious attention to myself and when I am unconsciously putting my fingers in my mouth, and it takes constant pampering of my nails to keep them filed and painted. Can't imagine why that one seems to slip through the cracks!

So, two weeks ago I lost my voice for no apparent reason except the aforementioned post nasal and yesterday I woke up with a stellar sore throat. It seems wimpy to complain about a sore throat, but when you consider spitting because of the pain, well I guess that is at least a little worthy.

I'm hoping for the best and shoving vitamins, ibuprofin, and sudafed down my throat. This weekend is a big one and I need everyone to be in tip top shape!

Kyle went out with some friends from work for happy hour tonight..the nerve. I mean, the man goes out every....(we've been married 7 years, umm...carry the one...) once every 2 or 3 years by himself.

It's just happy hour so I made this casserole that he loved last week. Anyone else make this? I'm having some trouble. Last week I forgot to put the foil on so I guessed that was why it wasn't cooking in an hour. I tried again this week--with foil--but we are going on 2 hours now (and I even kicked the temp up to 400 degrees!) So, I'm still waiting for him to come home, the casserole's not done and I'm starving. I already gave the kids some turkey dogs and decided to make a peanut butter and jelly graham cracker sandwich. This is totally my favorite thing lately. My mom used to make them occasionally when we were kids (probably because we ran out of bread? At least that's when I brought them out of the closet at our house!) But I know that she really liked them, too. I thought they were ok back then, but preferred my starchy white yummy smooshy bread. Not that I miss white bread or anything. And maybe because I am off white bread that these are so appealing to me. Either that or I'm an old mom. he he.



When I was a kid, my favorite sandwich was a PB & J with a slice of bologna in the middle. Yum, I know you are all grossed out, but I have always loved it. I love all things salty and sweet and I think that was the pull with that one. If only I had bologna (or ate lunch meat) I could really relive my youth right now.

On my little bookshelf (right hand side of blog) I've added a new book: A New Earth Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. When Oprah did this book as her book club choice, I really wanted to join in. I got the book from the library and even tuned in briefly to the first webcast. However, I just didn't feel ready to get into heavy reading. I have not been a consistent reader for several years now and being a little out of the loop I was...a little fearful, I guess.

Lately, we have been visiting the library about once a week as a family. I had always wanted to do this, but I was worried about the noise the kids would make and it just never seemed to fit in. Well really, I didn't make much of an effort to fit it in. The past 3 weeks or so has been a wonderful experience for all of us. Last week, I saw A New Earth sitting on the shelf and I said to myself, "alright, let's give it another go." And it sat on my bookshelf at home for about a week. Finally, I just decided to go for it and give it a try.

I opened up the book, glanced at the first chapter and decided to skip it. It didn't look that important and thought I could just jump right into the nitty-gritty. However, as I looked at the first sentence of the 2nd chapter I decided...maybe I should read the first, just in case. And I'm so glad I did.

The first chapter is a bit theoretical and not as tangible as the following chapters, but it spoke to me. I could identify and relate to the thoughts in a way I have never been able to before. In Oprah speak, I had one "aha" moment after the next. I felt a release, an understanding, and an openness that I have not felt in a long time. So far, it has really changed my view.

I have been searching for something...doesn't it seem like so many of us are? Why is it that I read so many of the same topics, discussions, and issues amongst so many people? Why is it when you read my archives you find the same themes circling around and around? I struggle with keeping up with everything as a mom, wife, and employee. I am frustrated when I can't get it all done with the cleaning, and the cooking, and the baking, and spending time with my children. I am constantly on the quest to live a healthy lifestyle, including making healthy foods for my family and exercising. A topic I don't write much about has been my unrest with spirituality. I don't subscribe to any one religion, but have more of a world view. I approach religions with an open mind, an acceptance of all beliefs, but have struggled to define exactly what this means in my life as well as how will I pass essential values and morals on to my children. My job is a great job and I relish the flexibility it provides. There are many things I greatly enjoy about it, but I can't bring myself to say I love it. I appreciate everything it provides for me, but have always felt a need to make a difference in the world. I have always wanted to help people, specifically children, and I get very little to no satisfaction in this area with my current position. I wonder over and over again, do I continue in my current state because of the convenience it affords me or do I try to move on to something I truly love and not just like?

It feels like I work on maybe one or two areas of my life, but haven't been able to "conquer" all or any of them. The battle starts to fade and I move on to the next issue until it all comes full circle and I start again. Is this what my life is meant to be? I really don't want to spend the rest of it circling in the same spot and never finding the answers. What about this,

"Instead of asking what I want from life, ask what does life want from me"

Hmmm...yes, I think I felt that way once before and I forgot about it. What does life want from me? I've already gotten a couple answers--thank you, life. I'll keep listening.

Yesterday, we went to a new library (to us) and drove down a long road along the river we haven't been down in a long time. It was a truly enjoyable experience, yet simple. Just a normal event. I had conversations with my husband, interactions with my children, and it was normal yet, different. We went to my in-laws house to celebrate my husband and brother in-law's birthdays. I wasn't feeling well, but wanted to be with the family so I went anyway. Again, so glad I did. I was more open and because of the release I had felt from reading the book, had a much more agreeable presence. How do I say this without sounding like a jerk? This is hard to admit, so hang in there with me 'til the end. Sometimes when I spend time with certain people, I walk in to an event with...a status quo of almost crabbiness, I guess. Sometimes I can just be disagreeable without reason. It just resides there, lying underneath the surface. Nothing that is said or done can snap me out of it. I am aware of it, ashamed of it, but still it sits there because I don't know what to do with it. Those feelings were gone yesterday. I was able to engage people with no prior thoughts or attachments. I could take what they had to say and to give to me at that time and appreciate all that it was, for what it was. And for the most part, all that my friends and family have to give to me is love. I guess this is what they mean by "being present".

I have heard this many times before "it's important to be present". So, I recall sitting in my livingroom with my kids, trying to be present. I would shut out all the extraneous thoughts of work, or getting things done, or whatever else was running through my mind. I would sit there and take it all in. But not really. I was trying to let go of the to do list, but I still had all the prior emotional attachments. Even though I stopped the distraction of thoughts, that layer of emotion was still present and essentially, blinding. I didn't get it. I have always tried to put myself in a present state--appreciate the kids being young, appreciate this beautiful day, appreciate this time with your family. Appreciate? Yes, I had that down. But really present? I only just scratched the surface.